I first met Melanie nearly two years ago where she was, coincidentally, speaking up scared. She was the guest speaker at the Fargo Moorhead West Fargo Chamber Women Connect event. Although it was my first Women Connect event, I had been attending conferences and speakers of different sorts for decades and what struck me most about Melanie's story and delivery is that it was real. So often we hear speakers and stories that may be difficult but they are always "on the other side" or "got through it" or "learned tough lessons". Sometimes it can feel like we can't speak about our own struggles UNTIL we are "on the other side" of it, which often seems impossible. But Melanie was existing and sharing and thriving and struggling - all in real time. This is what we need more of - seeing and hearing and supporting in the realness and in the never ending ups and downs and cycles of a life. We need support and acknowledgement and curiosity and celebration and a place to share - not just in an exciting beginning or in the safe after but in the messy middles. What I love about Melanie's work with She Overcomes is how it truly believes in and invests in women. Thank you Melanie and welcome to The Soul Place.
Sarah Smith Warren is the founder of Soul Space Work, a coaching and consulting space working to support and empower humans and businesses to thrive in their life and work.
Connect with Sarah at ssw@soulspacework.com
Speaking Up Scared
by Melanie Rudd, Founder of She Overcomes
I spent most of my life in a land of dissociation from my mind, body and soul. I believed lies that felt truer than truth. The lies held me hostage to an ideology of self-hatred, self-sacrifice to the point of suffocation, and I cursed my body and femininity. Overcoming this was a hard, grueling process of failure, fear of being found out, and trying to determine how to find truth with a capital T.
When I began to process my life and why I felt I couldn’t connect my mind and body or speak up, I thought it began where my marriage ended. It seemed that I lost myself in the shadow of my husband or to the duties of motherhood. While my life felt rewarding, sometimes it was so heavy and I felt my life was to be one of honor, duty and raising my tiny humans.
Upon further reflection, and wise counsel from some mentors, I realized I needed to go back even further and uncover and discard the core lies from decades before. I had to dig deep to find that little girl who watched Disney princess stories on repeat, living in a world of powerlessness and rescue.
I didn’t realize as a child that I wanted to be rescued from my life, but I would play out that storyline for three decades. As a child, I imagined being Ariel, staring dreamily into the eyes of Eric from “The Little Mermaid.” I thought if I could find a prince to love me and fight for me, I would know that I was finally worthy. That I was valuable. I believed my worth was summed up in being wanted, pursued or desired by a Prince Eric.
What I didn’t understand was that Eric didn’t rescue Ariel from her pain. In a cheap attempt at finding her place in the world, Ariel willingly left her land…her place of authority where she would rule with her family. She abandoned her kingdom in pursuit of love. Ursula, the sea witch, was clearly marked as the enemy who stole Ariel’s greatest weapon from her.
Her voice.
Like a child, with the inability to delay her gratification, Ariel wanted so deeply to be loved by Prince Eric that she accepted a counterfeit from the enemy and lost all her power. She forgot who she was and even lost her identity as royalty–exchanging the truth for a lie.
While my story doesn’t have a happy beginning–singing about the King and Jubilee–like Ariel, I lived in a land of rescue and a desperate longing to be loved, valued, and worthy. I believed lies about myself and how others saw me. I thought I needed rescuing from accidentally engaging in cycles or triangulation where I was always a victim; there was often someone trying to help as I gave all my authority away thinking I was powerless, and always a villain in the narrative.
Ariel fought to get her voice back, but it required a battle between good and evil. She had to return to the place where she gave up her power, her identity, and her royalty. It was in the raging sea where her fears, unbelief, and faith in her dad, King Tritan, were restored.
This battle for my voice and identity is where my story truly began.
It was in a room, full of women, where I realized I’d given my voice away. A charismatic Brazilian woman asked if anyone wanted prayer or wanted something from our Creator. At the time, I was going through a custody battle and had given all authority and autonomy away in the grief and failure of marriage. While my body was in the room, my mind was frantically trying to reclaim my home, my voice and choice. I ruminated on how I failed, and desperately tried to recall how to feel safe again. When the Brazilian asked the question, my hand betrayed my mind, because it shot straight up.
“Melanie, what do you want prayer for?” The Brazilian asked.
Almost like a deer in headlights, I panicked and word vomited about the shame of divorce, fears around the custody battle, what it would mean about me if I didn’t get full custody, and the cycles of self-abanondment that brought me to my knees, quite literally, on the floor with those women.
The Brazilian came over to me and asked me to open my hands, as if I was to receive a gift. I stood, on my knees, while she prayed. As she prayed, she put her hands on my neck, forcing me to look up. Then she said, “Melanie, it’s time for you to speak up! No more shame, no more looking at the floor. Look up, child, and speak up!”
I was thoroughly freaked out, but as she spoke, I could feel heat around my body, covering my chest and back and felt a strange peace. It felt as though a heavy burden was lifted from me and without notice, I began to weep. I was mortified and relieved. When she said those words, I wondered…speak up? About what?
I journaled, practiced yoga, and over the next number of months, I learned how to practice active rest. I would force myself to only focus on breathing and envisioning places of calm and peace. I mothered myself, trying to learn how to be safe in my body. At work, my boss was requiring me to literally speak on stages - which only caused me to bawl, shake and panic. I’d been taught that women shouldn’t speak up. I’d been conditioned to believe saying anything out loud would only get me into trouble and it was better for me to be silent.
Little did I know that this process of active rest, coupled with daily uncomfortability at work would unlock my voice, my autonomy, my worth and value. Every day was a challenge and forced me out of every type of comfort zone I had.
It took months to realize that my mind and body could coexist at the same time, in the same place. I took small steps of speaking up in little groups and would practice for hours, storytelling and the art of speaking up scared. I’d shake, cry, overprepare and do it all over again.
Day after day.
That summer, about six months after trying to believe that I didn’t need a rescuer and that I could speak up on my own, I was required to go to nowhere North Dakota to speak on behalf of the nonprofit I worked for at a music festival. The company I represented was literally designed to be a voice for the voiceless. I was resentful that I had to take a Saturday to work at a place I had no interest in going. When I arrived, I discovered that there were over 5,000 people in attendance.
I brought my two children, Carter and Grayce because I didn’t have a babysitter. When it was my time to take the stage, I asked either of them if they wanted to come backstage with me. Carter said no.
“Can I come, mom?” Grayce asked.
“Of course, honey,” I said, realizing that I wanted so badly for her to know that women can speak up - for themselves and sometimes on behalf of other women.
We stood backstage and were introduced to the crowd. Grayce and I walked out together hand in hand, looking at the thousands of people. I shared more about the work to help women and children out of the grips of one of the world’s most lucrative industries: people selling people into slavery.
When I finished my prepared speech, I asked Grayce if she wanted to add anything. She looked up at me, in front of the crowd and said, “I think you covered it.”
Sometimes, we think we’re working on ourselves, for ourselves.
That day, I knew that my daughter would learn lessons I needed decades ago. I knew that I would be the broken link in the chain of silence and fear. I finally found my voice after months of doing it scared. I found my place, without a man by my side. It was with my daughter.
If you’re trying to find your voice today, remember it’s not just about you. It's about those who come after you. It’s about the legacy of love we get to offer the next generation. I want my ceiling to be my daughter's floor, that she’ll dance upon. I want her to know that her voice matters, so use it wisely.
Our words have the power to create worlds. Think for a moment what kind of world we are building. Will those words build or tear down? It’s time to find safety in your body, to be present with your mind and to fight like hell to be heard.
Melanie Rudd
She Overcomes Fargo, North Dakota
*If you want to learn more about building self-worth, practice overcoming your fears with a small community, and rediscover your voice, please join us at sheovercomes.co and join our 8-week course, Becoming BOLD Leaders.
*If you want to read more from Melanie, you can purchase her memoir, Irreverent: a Memoir of Reckless Hope, Unexpected Love and Finding My Voice on March 27, 2025!
*If you’d like to learn more about connecting your mind and body to your work and home life, join Melanie at Metamorphosis: A She Overcomes Women’s Conference!
Interested in being a Guest Contributor on The Soul Place?
The Soul Place is an online journal that celebrates the positive and passionate work by brilliant and brave individuals. If you would like to be a guest contributor on The Soul Place, or if you know someone who should be a guest, please contact Sarah at ssw@soulspacework.com
We'd love to celebrate YOU!
Comments